Monday, January 5, 2009

I'm The Crazy Lady

CnC teddy inital
I think it's time to come out of hiding. I am too comfortable sitting in my house, by myself, and forgetting I could have a life if I wanted one. I have become the crazy old lady that keeps her blinds closed all the time and never looks out.

The truth is I miss having friendships. I miss doing things with my family. I miss feeling normal. There was a time when I was so alive! I had more energy than I knew what to do with. I was happy.

I think I may be going through what they call a mid life crisis. My boys are almost grown. One is already on his own. The other will leave within months. Daddy-O and I are being forced to re figure our relationship. We have decisions to make. We need to rethink our priorities. All of it is breaking my heart. I don't want to let go of what has been, for the unknown of the new.

I have loved the past twenty years of my life. I have loved having two little boys to take care of. I have loved watching them grow. I have loved them needing me. But now I don't know what I am supposed to do with myself.

I know my posts lately have been downers. It feels as if I've painted myself into a corner and I'm not sure how to get out. I think this year will be my journey out of the corner. I am hoping to find new friendships and to revisit the old. Because Daddy-O works out of town I am oftentimes alone. I hope to find a new hobby to keep me company when I do find myself lonely. And lastly, I will go to the gym with my sweetheart. He goes three times a week, I plan to go once a week. My poor body cannot handle exercise more often than that.

Thank you to the sweet friends who are still visiting me here. Your friendships mean so much. I just wish you weren't so far away.

Tag by Cute n' Charming

1 comment:

Ryan and Mistie said...

Hi my friend!! Sorry I have been MIA....we're still trying to get settled.

Hopefully someday soon we can come and see you guys ...

Thinking of you!!!