Friday, March 5, 2010

What My Hurting Back Found

Happily, I've made it back home. When I left for my sister's home, it was for a week long visit. That week turned into three weeks plus! I enjoyed every single minute of it and really didn't want to leave today. But it was time. I missed my computer too much.

So much has happened that I'd never be able to write all of it. I feel like I owe some explanation for my last post, however. So this is what happened.  Last Wednesday, I was to come home. I peeked out the window when I woke up, and saw the sky full of heavy clouds. It looked like snow. I was trying to decide whether to try to hurry and beat the storm, or stay one more day. When I stood up from the bed, I slipped and feel against the nightstand, which caused me to bounce hard, leaving me to slam onto the floor. My back hurt so much I could not move.

I was home alone that morning. For ten minutes, I laid on that floor and screamed. And cried. I managed to move myself up to the bed. It was the most painful experience I've ever had. It was more awful than I can even express. But it put me close enough to my cell phone to grab it. I called my sister, who was at work. She said she'd come home. I continued to cry and scream. Wouldn't you?

There was no way I could move, so when Becky came, she called an ambulance. I was taken out, still wearing my flannel Santa pajamas.  I was taken to the hospital where I spent ten hours in the emergency room.

Very long story short, I was taken to x-ray. On the x-rays, a small spot was seen on my pancreas. That scared the doctors so I was then given an MRI. It was verified I have a tumor on my pancreas, and a tiny one on one of my kidneys. Honestly, I never found out what I had done to my back because the doctors were so concerned with the pancreas.

This is the sad part of the story. I cannot be given a CT Scan, which will show the most about the tumor because I am unemployed and have no insurance. I cannot pay to save my life.

It is so frustrating. In my whole life, I have never, ever missed a bill or payment. Daddy-O and I would go without groceries rather than not pay what we owed. I'm proud of that, but because of the circumstances of the past six months, I cannot get the health care I need.

I find myself in a situation where I will have to try to get Social Security disability so I can qualify for Medicaid. I never thought I'd find myself in a prediciment like this. I wanted to work. I wanted to earn my insurance. But now I've been diagnosed, the chances of finding a job or insurance that will cover me is slim.

Currently, I have five small tumors in my head, I have hypopituitarism, myocarditis and now two more tumors: one on a kidney and on my pancreas. I feel like maybe it's time to accept some help.

Hopefully, I will get the help I need. There is a chance the pancreatic tumor is cancerous. In a normal person, that would be likely. In me, the chance is greater that it is due to my family history of Von Hipple Lindau , which causes tumors thoughout the body and they are hardly ever cancerous. I have my fingers crossed that is the case here, but if it is cancerous, then the clock is ticking and that scares me.

I hope I am making the right choice to pursue government help. It was not an easy decision for me. But I've decided it might be more important to live, than to nurse my pride.

Life is crazy, isn't it? I am certain that all of this has happened for a reason. Or, maybe finding a reason will make it easier to accept.  Either way, I hope I can keep a smile on my face as I move forward.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

:(, But I'm glad you are home!