Sunday, July 11, 2010

I Can't Sleep

It's almost 4am and I can't sleep. I first went to bed around 11pm. I tried to fall asleep but memories of my marriage ending filled up my head. I turned on my ipod and tried to drown them out. But it didn't work.

I got up and turned on the computer. I read a few blogs then went to Fans of Reality TV to read the latest Bachelorette gossip.  I tried again to sleep. The same thoughts were there. I thought maybe if I cried and let myself feel the hurt, maybe I would get some relief. It didn't work.

So here I am, wondering when this will end. When will I feel peace? I'm told the day will come when I won't think about my divorce once during the day. It's hard to believe. It's been almost ten months and most days it's all I can think about.

Gus wrote on his Facebook wall today something that lets me know he is hurting still too. It's probably what started this. I can handle how I feel. I know I will be okay. But when my child hurts and I can't take that hurt away, I get angry. Then, I get sad.

So, I sit here in the middle of the night wondering... how will this end?

1 comment:

ShEiLa said...

I think what you are going through... the not knowing and not being in control of your life has to be the hardest thing ever.

I had trouble sleeping... but it was too hot. Our AC wasn't working right and my hubby was NOT a happy camper... needless to say I am pretty tired. YOUR's is more of an emotionally drained than physical though.

ToOdLeS.