Monday, March 4, 2013

Goodbye Again.

I had been afraid to write here for the past few months because I was afraid it would be bad karma. You see, the last time I started writing, in July, Don asked me to leave for a few months. I know leaving didn't have anything to do with my blog, but it felt like it. The timing was just so close.

I think it was more to do with my starting to feel comfortable enough to believe it was going to work. I poured out my heart here, then he asked me to go. He wanted to bring 'her' back. He had reservations about how he had ended it with her and wanted to work things out. I was dumb enough to go. I just didn't want any loose ends to affect our future together.

That's why I disappeared just after starting up again. Mostly because I felt stupid. But also because I didn't want to tell you. I knew what you would think. Believe me...I was thinking the same thing. Well, their reunion lasted two months.  Then Daddy-O decided he could not live without me and I was overjoyed to finally have my family and a home.

I was just starting to feel comfortable again and wrote last week. As soon as I posted I had a funny feeling things weren't right. I'll tell you something I've learned... always listen to your gut. It never lies.

To make a very long story short, I have been asked to leave for a third (and I promise, the last!) time. She is coming back on Sunday so I need to be gone by then. I really have no clue where I am going, but I'm working on it.  And you know what? I'm excited. I am trying to go back home to southern Utah. I miss the mountains and the snow. Though I will certainly miss the yummy fruits from here.

I'm not going to be mad at Daddy-O. I haven't been happy because I know his heart has been somewhere else. I can leave knowing I tried everything I could to make my family whole.  I kind of feel proud of myself. I haven't taken the easy way at all. I've stood up for what I believe in spite of how those around me have felt. It might not have been the right choice in the end, but I'm certain I did the right thing.

I don't know when I'll be back to posting. Hopefully, I'll find somewhere to live and I can afford internet too and it won't be but a week or two until I'm back. Maybe it will be longer. But I will be back. I promise. I'm excited to share my new life with you.

4 comments:

Ryan and Mistie said...

You are a strong woman!! I have always and now more than ever - admire you so much. I hope we can see you the next time we make it down south.
Lots of love! Prayers for quick relocation and for peace.

Lin said...

My heart immediately broke when I read that he's doing this to you again. You, of all people, dont deserve to be treated this way. You're amazing for being the bigger person & walking away with class instead of throwing a fit (something I'd of done haha). But like you said, you tried and it just wasnt meant to be. I hope you realize that deserve better than what he's willing to offer, or not.

Also, if you're looking to stay in O.C. email me asap because my aunt who lives in the city you're currently in has a private outside guest room she's looking to rent out :)

Kattrina said...

You are strong and you will make it! I believe in living your life with no regrets and that is what you did. Maybe if you hadn't given him another chance you would have always wondered "what if" and never would have been able to find true happiness. Now, you know you tried and it didn't work and so you can easily move on. And you won't have any regrets. If the decision feels right in your heart, than it is right for you. I'm sorry you had to go through such pain to get to this point but you are stronger for it! Good luck with your new life and new you - I can't wait to see you back and blogging!

Anonymous said...

YTB! :)